dear esther. i have lost track of how long i have been here, and how many visits i have made overall. certainly, the landmarks are now so familiar to me that i have to remind myself to actually see the forms and shapes in front of me. i could stumble blind across these rocks, the edges of these precipices, without fear of missing my step and plummeting down to sea. besides, i have always considered that if one is to fall, it is critical to keep one’s eyes firmly open.